is my destiny to be alone?

wow... it's something that i contemplate now and then... and the more i surround myself with friends who are single... the more hope i have for them to have relationships soon and to leave me behind... although you could say same friends have same fears about each other... but who's to know which fears are validated...

i feel like i'm destined to be alone... because of my refusal to compromise... as it turns out the people i'm attracted to and the people that are attracted to me rarely concide... or if they do... i am totally clueless and never have acted upon it resulting in lost interest. But sometimes, just sometimes someone comes along in my life that may be able to show my the love and affection that one needs... but my heart is cold... and i am not drawn to them... specifically because it becomes so easy... and i take it for granted...

it is ingrained in my system to fall for those who aren't interested in me... and a self perpetuating cycle is that the more they are uninterested... the more heavily i fall for them... until i move on to the next person who will show yet no interest in me yet i will fall head over heels for them and walk through fire, ice, wind, and thunder for them...

life isn't fair because i am not in the right mind set to be aggressive in relationships... i am timid and often self concious... which is not a good quality to have... but i'm smart and i know my weaknesses... and all that stops me is fear or hurt or pain...

but love without pain or fear is worthless... so i guess take the plunge u retard...
i guess... but life isn't that easy... and i'm still paralyzed by strong fears... and they grip my whole livelihood...

i am forever destined to be alone...


haha i s'pose that middle person is my future self


:.gee nelly is staring in a movie... what a must see...