im mildly depressed after watching the neon genesis evangelion series. too much talk about identity crisis, finding one self, and fear of rejection and the need to be loved... haha i didnt want to watch a whole series depicting my life!

i jest, as much as i think about it, this kind of sordid situation is rampant all around me, many of my friends are in dire need for someone to accept them and to find themselves, i just find myself at odds that i do not want to find myself in such a position. consequentially the idea that how other people percieve you realistically forms your opinion of yourself. this alludes to the fact that we are helpless to the regards of what other people think of you. thus we can't be accountable for our destiny after all...

confusing? well it means how we feel about ourselves is related to how people treat us. i do not like this idea, it makes everyone seem helpless to advance their own situation when they're leaving their fate in the eyes of others. truthfully the series mildly redeems itself when it is portrayted that one can escape this reality by accepting oneself in spite of others, breaking through the percieved idea that oneself is a reflection of the perceptions of your peers. despite their perceptions, when you accept yourself no matter what, you finally become a seperate entity above their constrictions...

even more confusing... well anyway its hard to avoid rejection, and it's hard when your depressed, and its hard when you feel unwanted. and some people i know deal with that on a dialy basis... sometimes it's me even though i'd rather not admit it. and realizing it may have a lot to do with willpower, i'd like to suggest that people have control of their own destiny, and just because they're will may seem weak, i'd like to believe otherwise, rather that they're will is just dormant, and at any point in time regarding catalysts (their response to trials, hardships, happy times, growth etc), theyre inner will, shall manifest, and what was consider a weak being before will shead its constrictions and be able to fully grow as a being in control of their own destiny.

but is this practical? am i placing my ideals in false hopes? i do doubt myself a lot, and consequently arrive at the point at which i most hate to be in: lost in myself, at the mercy of other peoples opinions, and fear of rejection. seemingly my will is dormant after all, and i am unable to affect change on my own. the catalysts in my life enter and leave frequently... and i am yet unable to say i am fully free of these bonds that one keep, to say that i need to be loved, and needed.

wlel there is truth out there, but it is hard to grasp, and there are some that spend their lives just to catch a glimpse of it.. and yet there are others totally oblivious to the truth, living their lives ignorantly blissful... sigh* such is a luxury.. to chase dreams all day, and not to endure harsh realities...

love, is freedom, it frees the mind from all constraints...

loved by others is a gift... but potentially slef destructive as love and hate can never be seperated

to love oneself fully, thats the path in order to gain acceptance from others...
to not reject oneself, to not hate oneself, then you can be freed to be loved in return...