"Dating"

Well...as of late i haven't been in the mood to blog...
but i have some time on my hands and i've been thinking about the speech i gave on wednesday

ya know i was never able to finish it, and i worked so hard on it too...

so here's a treat for ya kiddos...
see what you think about mah speech...
leave sum commentz yah?

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There was a student at my old school that was failing a class and wasnt going to graduate. When he went to beg for a passing grade his teacher told him, "If you can tell me the true meaning of life Ill let you pass my class with a D." The student thought about the answer for hours, days, even weeks. He finally went back to the teacher and told him that he didnt have the answer. As the student left the classroom the teacher told him. "You want to know the meaning of life is? The meaning of life is sex. Humans were put on this earth to find a mate, reproduce, and a repopulate the world." In order to reproduce and repopulate one needs to find a mate first...and thats where my topic comes in, dating. Everyone in this classroom has had experience with dating, and everyone can relate that it is rather faulty at times. Dating is an extremely complicated ordeal that encompasses many problems. Its significant is shown as John Fetto of American Demographics writes that 35% of Americans have been through at least one breakup over the past 10 years. First, we will look at problems encountered while single, next we will talk about problems that occur while in a relationship and finally, we will see the problems which are present after a relationship has dissolved.

To start, lets look at how people struggle searching for a quality relationship. According to Lori from evertyhinglori.com a common fault of relationships is that we encounter the most is that we are attracted to the more flamboyant types of mates and drastically overlook those who have excellent relationship qualities. For example, we always seem to go for the good-looking guy who is an asshole and treats girls like objects, in contrast to the nice guy who treats girls with so much respect she must believe she is royalty. She explains that when one dates someone who acts like a jerk and treats them like garbage, they are with them not because they like being treated by dirt, but because in their mindset they had thought they could change the person. She explains "A guy that treats every one else like shit, but YOU are so important, that he cant help but be good to you. We dont WANT him to be mean to us, we want him to love us. They feel that if they can get the jerks to treat them nicely while they still act harshly towards others...it would make them special. For the nice guys who treat girls like princesses she says, "The nice guys are great…except that they are nice to EVERYONE. If you didnt stumble into their lives, they would be with someone else, treating them the same way they would have treated you...Yeah, thats nice of him, but youre not special...." That is the explanation behind the phenomenon of nice guys finish last... Nice guys treat every girl special, to them every girl is unique and therefore when every girl is unique that works oppositely and then it suddenly means no girl is unique. When everyone is special NO one is special. She concludes with a few ideas about love at first sight..."its chemical.... it is what is commonly accepted as "lust." "I wasnt in love, I was in lust." This chemical love which factually exists is what leads us to choose the jerk over the nice guy in relationships.

Another trial in the single life is mustering courage enough to reach out to those who we are attracted too. David Copeland a dating coach discovers that in this situation subtlety will hurt chances for those who arent able to make clear signs about their feelings. The less a person can tell about the persons intentions the more confusion and complications can occur. Sometimes others are just discouraged by past relationships because they have gotten hurt.

Eventually people are able to find someone to click with, and then they get together and start are able dating. Time to celebrate right? Wrong! Think again. Just because one isnt single anymore doesnt mean that its green pastures ahead. At this point, especially, we notice that relationships are extremely difficult to handle. A common problem that couples usually face is a lack of communication between the guy and girl. A rule that is somewhat constant in a few relationships, with exceptions, is that guys are the confusing ones, and the girls are complicated. What do I mean by that statement? Take this for an example, a guy is more confusing than a girl because they will act in a way...but not be definite in what he is trying to portray...for example they might send mixed signals to girls, which leads girls astray. Conversely girls are complicated because they expect a lot from guys. They will say something out directly and clearly in their own minds, but in fact it wasnt as clear as they would have thought. It might have had multiple meetings...and the guys struggle to figure out which meaning the girls had in mind. Guys and girls are unable to respond to each other in this fashion and mis-communication often results.

Also, in a relationship roles may be defined, whether consciously or unconsciously. It becomes routine for a girl/girl to call...a guy/girl to drive an hour to visit...or for one to pay for the dinner...and etc. This causes strife in a relationship when it becomes one sided. Lack of effort from each side will spur frustration and stress. If one feels that the other is not contributing enough to the relationship, they might start to contribute less and as the roles are not lived up to and the expectations are not met. With high expectations of each other a relationship is hard to keep as neither can please the other.

The third source of strife in couples will definitely be trust. Jealousy breaks up solid relationships as easily as it takes for one to glance at a cute girl/guy. Jealousy also contributes to the destruction of a relationship in another facet...when couples use jealousy as a powerful tool against each other in attempts to control their partners. Mind games occur when couples deliberately hurt one another to prevent themselves from being hurt later down the line. Putting your boys on check, making a big deal to your gf about a guy you could care less… arguing about insignificant issues and causing grief only to be assured that the person your hurting will stay faithful and loyal. These mind games are a double edged swords as one can easily turn the tables on another and make you feel pain, make you hurt and the only logical response for you is to play more games to get even. Eventually this leads to more pain, more hurt…and less love. Instead of prolonging ur relationship with subjugated loyalty, you are destroying it by playing with fragile hearts. When we get to this point in most relationships the bond shared between each other slowly dissolves.

As these problematic dating trends continue, the relationship starts to unravel. We then realize that the problems within the relationship dont just disappear as the relationship falls apart...they are just replaced by even more problems and hardships. One can relate that people struggle through this phase of relationships most. Breakups are very harsh for someone to go through...especially after a long-term relationship...or a first relationship.
In retrospect these couples see it as losing the only people they have ever known to love...and thats a feeling incredibly rare to have in a first place. Sometimes that feeling of loss is too overwhelming and couples stay together even though they need to breakup. The fighting the arguing, the lack of common interests even cheating would persist under this guise. Couples often live horrible lives and still stay together for some reason. The reason why that they do not separate could be contributed to fear. They are scared to let go of a relationship because of the difficulty of finding a good one in the first place. They are scared because they were so happy before and they risk losing happiness forever if they let go of their "perfect" relationship. Consequently, the couples stay together despite the inherent faults within the relationship that make it impossible to work. Theyll keep saying...Ill try harder...Ill be nicer...Ill do anything... hell change, it will change, it will be the way it was before, but in the end its just adding to their mental anguish. Joshua Harris, author of the book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, brought up interesting theory about post breakup relationships. He writes that it is important that one must clearly define a breakup, to prevent any hints of possibly getting back together. Be direct and be swift, because it will only make the relationship harder to let go the less straightforward you are. Without a clear break the breakup wont last for long and the problems that cause the need for a one will only get worse. People will be abused...mentally and maybe physically...and those will only be endured.

Other points to realize in a breakup is that you are back to step one in the dating system, except now one carries on strife caused by failed relations. Being single after a horrible experience makes one very wary of searching out others who could be a good match for them. They turn away those who seek them out just because they hope to avoid another horrible relationship. Going back to Lori from everythinglori.com she states that there is some who give their gender a bad reputation but that shouldnt count out good ones by making you assume that they cant be good.

Whether one agrees with these problems or not they are still present in most relationships. I also have to say that these are not the only problems that one would face. Relationships are extremely complicated and each is entirely different from another. As of this moment we should be informed enough to be abe to closer understand the dating phenomenon and its inefficiencies. We must also understand that the best thing in a relationship is to just be yourself and respect the person you are courting. By keeping that in mind and the rest of the problems attributed to dating one will be able to fix the way we date in order to be able to not only find a quality partner, but to also understand them, and coexist with them in harmony.