"chill out, what you yellin for..."

why do you have to go make things so complicated...
~Avril Lavigne

i am soo tired right now...
i want to fall asleep for hours on end...
but i know there are things i have to do first...

i cant give in to my desires as much as i would...
i stayed up all night again as usual...
not working on a project this time around...
just recently hooked onto a video game...

pretty pathetic...but i cant seem to break away from it...

*sniffs sleave*

gee...i have a feeling that i smell right now...
i wasnt able to take a shower today neither...
i feel really gross...
sigh...and im supposed to go visit the banner girls today?

maybe im better off going home to clean the house...
sigh...

anywho...
i had an epiphany today as i was finishing my lunch at yoshinoya...
i remember a post i wrote about

how winter is a season of relationship
compared to summer as a season of flings...

at the time i had assumed that in this winter
a social parnter is a necessity written in our human biological code...

i had come to the conclusion that without finding one
winter would be harsh cold and lonely...

i eventually deduced that the season of fall is given for one to search for a mate for the cold winter season...
and it is drawing to a close
and i am still short one social partner...

but as the season does draw to its end...
another realization came to meeh...

it was not the necessity of a relationship in winter which was embedded into my code...
i mistook the feelings of longing for what it really is...

and that is what i learned post my lunch from yoshinoya...

a partner is not a necessity within the winter months
but in actuallity that in the fall season
a sense of longing is actually present in itself...

i have no idea yet on its comparison to summer flings...
but i strongly affirm my new beliefs that
after summer
comes this period of longing...

which at first i mistook for a future necessity to be carried on next season...
in fact...the longing is a fall necessity not a winter one...

as the season comes to a close...
i realize...
im not as lonely as i thought i would be...
im looking at the december months with strenght...
and a fleeting desire to have a girlfriend...

comparitively to the fall season itself
where i was completely torn into searching for someone to complete myself...

perhaps it was the faiure of the former which had led me to the latter...
because i was unable to find anyone to be with

i had to adapt and renew my thinking...
perhaps...

i do not know much about this seasonal equilibrium thingy...
but i do feel that winter won't be as lonely as i thought...
and the longing is abating itself from my system quite nicely...

pretty soon i might develop loner tendencies for the month...
which would make sense
as winter is comparable to an isolating season...
life covered in snow...
and nature dormant till spring...