aftermath of lent:.

this is the first day of easter:.

This is how my Lent went:. i had given up a few things and promised to pray more. Looking back on how the last 40 or more days went, i did okay. Not great, but i'm satisfied with most of the results...

I had four things i gave up during lent and i also promised that i would pray the rosary everyday. I'm proud of that last one... except for a few days during that season i was able to fulfill that promise in it's entirety. To make up for the days that i missed i prayed double rosary during holy week. I was so close to messing up again during this last week but at last minutes of the days i would realize that i didnt do my second rosary and i would be thankful that i had at least 10 mins left when i realized that i needed to do it still. I'm glad i was able to pray more this season. I used to make bs promises of praying 5 mins per day that i never fulfilled. Now i can say i actually made it through the entirety of lent praying daily. Praying the rosary worked out for me in numerous ways, i was able to memorize the prayer after the first few weeks so that now i can pray it freely compared to before when i really didn't know it so i couldnt really pray it. It gave me time to reflect on God during the day. It gave me more patience in life overall. Sometimes when i was really stressed during this season *which was alot* i would pray, and suddenly i would feel better. When i would get frustrated, my frustrations would leave temporarily and i would be able to assess situations better. Praying more also helped me learn more about myself and what i need to make myself a better person.

Another thing that was rough for me in lent was the curfews that i set up for myself. I wanted a challenge during lent, and i did challenge myself pretty well. i didn't fulfill my hardest challenges to the extent that i would want to, but i did try to fulfill my curfew promise. During lent *i got the idea from my friend dominique* i was going to cut off my fone/internet time at 1030. I also added in extra curfews after that. I would sleep by 11 (this is to counter the insomniac side of me) and i would have a 1 am curfew on special days (usually when i can't avoid being out, like when i'm serving at HOJ) this is to counter the fact that at times when i seem to be out all night and come home at 4. I wanted to be a better example to my family so i decided that coming home late wasn't too good of an idea. I did okay with these curfews, except for the 11 o' clock curfew. I kept up with it of course, but towards the end of the season i decided it wasn't a priority for me. I kept the 1030 no phone/internet curfew vigilantly, in extent of frustration at points when i really wanted to finish conversations with people. Towards the end i also had a lot of work to do for school, so i moved the 11 curfew to my 1 curfew and then it just became i need to be asleep by 1 o clock and on those nights i was busy working/studying anyway so it was justified in a way. Often at times in this season i wasn't able to fulfill these curfews. At times when my life was so stressed that i couldn't take it anymore and i needed to break them. Times when i was so frustrated that i didnt care. And there where times where i just forgot. Of course i'm glad that i didn't totally fail in respect towards the whole season, and whenever i had fallen off track, i always willed myself to continue on till the end of lent. During holy week i followed the curfews strictly, also in order to make up for those times that i failed. The curfews were a challenge for me but they had their benefits as well. i had more sleep at night. i'm back to normal sleeping habits, awake in the day, asleep at night. i didn't come home as late as i used to. i wasn't roaming the streets at 3 am in the morning any longer, i was home and in bed where my mom wouldn't worry about me. i didn't spend as much time on the internet/phone as i usually do. I guess it gave me some control in my life.

I had two more challenges in lent. These two were supposed to be my main ones, and my hardest ones. The ones i was to work my hardest to fulfil, and i can say i am the most disappointed in myself in relation to these promises as i look back on lent. My two main goals was my talking and flirting abstinence. I can't say i fulfilled these to the point i wanted/needed to. i could say that i had tried, and perhaps by God's glory that was enough that i needed to fulfill. The talking fast came near impossible to carry out, and i think i let go of it midway through. It became less and less of a priority as lent progressed, maybe it was for the best as i couldnt rationalize the motive behind it anymore. It's an advanced challenge for me and maybe when the time comes during another lenten season i will be able to carry it through. The second challenge was my most frustrating challenge of all. I went into this season with high expectations of fulfilling this promise but inexpectantly complications arose and i had to fight with myself at points to keep my promise true. I can't explain what i mean (well not yet... the time isn't right) but i have to say taht this was the most frustrating/stressful thing that i had to endure this season. It brought me into depression, sadness, frustration, and more as lent progressed. I am thankful for praying the rosary because it helped me deal with this challenge a lot. It granted me serenity and peace at the times when i needed it. I want to note, going into lent this was going to be such a minor challenge. i was so sure that i would complete it with flying colors... but i was caught by surprise on it's difficulties and i can't even come to terms on what happened. i don't even understand it. But i held off... no flirting for the whole entire season of lent. even if it killed me sometimes.

Well the season is over now, i can relinquish my vows, if not entirely, just a little. I am glad i made it through. i'm glad i was tested. I'm glad that i had grown. I can offer a weak smile at this point. Not to say i'm not happy. au contraire, the season has drained me entirely but i am glad it has. I am going to take a week off and just relax and regain my strength and get back to life as it was before lent, except i am different now. and that is a truly wonderous thing