i miss her...
i miss the canyon girl...

its weird to reminisce about past relationships...
its harder to figure out for myself what qualifies as a relationship with all the girls in my past...

i think when my friend rachel asked me
"when was the last time you had a gf"
i had to think for a moment...

if we're dealing in terms of titles (boyfriend girlfriend)
the last time i called someone my girlfriend was in my junior year...

that seems long but between now and then there were sure enough times
when i would seemingly have something with a girl...
just not a boyfriend girlfriend title...
a relationship nonetheless...

thinking on those terms...
i guess the last time when i had felt i had a real "relation" with a girl
romantically...

was a few years ago towards the end of my last year in high school into that summer...

i miss that girl so much right now...
i'm over her i guess...
but since last night
she's popped into my head again...
and i'm wondering how she's doing...

sigh..
it was the case of right person...
but the wrong time...

i always tell myself...
if i had only met her three or four years earlier...
i wonder how life would be different...

i could honestly say...
i dont think i've felt any feelings for another girl
as strongly as i felt for that one...

and when she walked away and i didnt go after her...
it hurt... and it took a while for me to get back to normal...

shes just a fleeting memory now of course...
of a girl i was in love with...

haha...
i had made plans to go to fullerton just for her
take my nursing program there...

it seems foolish now
but when i went to see the councelor today
about an education plan and transfer...

i did ask her about calstate fullerton...
and i thought about being at the same school as she was going to...

sigh...
its been a long while since i took her name off of my buddy list
it was distressing to see her sign on and off
and just watch her paralyzed...
not daring to say hi...

she probably has moved on way before i did...
im not even a figment of he memory...

that i think hurts the most...
how u can have such honest feelings for someone
and have them go unawknowledged on the other party...

but thats what the call unrequited love after all...
but hey... its no big deal...

just something that caught my mind recently...

someday ill really fall in love...
and who knows when that will be
but may i pray when it comes
ill be ready...