The strength that is required...

Advent is like a springtime in nature when everything is renewed, fresh, and
healthy. Advent refreshes us, makes us healthy and able to receive Christ in
whatever form he may come to us. At Christmas, he comes as a little child,
small, helpless, and in need of his mother and all that a mother's love an give.
His mother's humility enabled her to serve. If we really want God to fill us, we
must empty ourselves through humility of all the selfishness within us.

~Lord... i haven't been with you much these past few weeks, else actually i've been involved in acts that have pushed you away oh God... empty me of all these worldy things, i come down oh Lord with the relization that without you in my life i can do nothing... but with you i can do anything. Guide me in this week more than you've ever led me before... i need you the most... to teach me and to raise me. i want to praise you... with all my heart and my soul, with no hesitation, and full conciousness in the spirit.

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in the upcoming weekend i've been given a great and mighty privilidge to serve our Lord. today we had a meeting solely to practice for it. i had such a hard time with my task and as much as i would like to tell what happend, a part of me does not want to share the task that has been decided for me. it is not in hopes to keep this great thing a secret.... if anything it is something to be proclaimed to the high heavens, but i am fearful to speak of it for the reason that i can't say i'm ready for the task.

i have to lead on the weekend, and by no means am i qualified to be a leader, at least at this state right now, i'm being as submersive as i can not because i'm ashamed of what i must do... but because im ashamed that i am unable to do it, that is why i am hesitant to relate my tale.

all i could say is that i am in a deep need of spiritual growth in my life...
and that the dedication that i had at one point of my life has been waning.

i need to intensify my prayer life, and my scripture life
both being neglected and throughly procrastinated on...

a lot rides on this weekend
the task that i need to carry out, it is not for my glory, but of the Lord's so it is even more imperative that i do an acceptable job.

i'm praying that i pull through well... but i realize that to do so
i must really want it bad enough
and i must start the preparation now...

i need to cleanse my spirit
and offer myself up to the Lord

i have to change my ways and grow back into closer communion with the Lord...
i pray for the task at hand...