and so the trials set in...
i'm doing fine though it's nothing new that i haven't experienced before
and that it's not too big of a cross that i can't handle... i'm hoping at least...

what's going on with me? i feel like the girl in the saint skit...
being abandoned... haha well i would want to wish that i was being abandoned because of my faith... because then i could have pride in being abandoned... but that is not the case...
i just feel abandoned thats all.. and forlorn...
as if because i've been so busy these last few weeks... the ground beneath me has been skewed and it's not level anymore...

why did people start acting different? is it something that i did... or something that they feel... i don't know... i should really act indifferent because if you really think about it any of them hardly affect any of me. but the truth is it hurts to act indifferent. i care what they think... and not only because of who they are... but because they are friends... or at least i thought them to be... what have i done... in my major attempt to front have i accidently alienated people... or is it just people don't even know who i am anymore and they perceive me in a way that is totally adverse to my personality...

who knows... maybe they really do know who i am... better than i do... and that my personality is really adverse. thats always a scary thought, but if it is true then ...
i dont know haha... these are one of those situations that doubt yourself


doubt is powerful...

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edit... Faith is more powerful