Did you hear?

I've written a couple of posts about dating in the past
and today i've decided to compile two of my real good articles into one solid document about
nice guys (girls too) who finish last

i've updated these articles to reflect changes in my life that have further granted me more insight on this subject and on recent testimony from close friends:.

these two posts can be found in their original form by clickin on the follwoing links:.

Dating
Nice Guys

also feel free to click on the following link which first inspired me to write on such a topic... it offers a lot of helpful insights and useful information on the dating scene

everythinglori.com - Dating
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

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How should i start off an article about dating...
as many of you know there is a strange phenomenon surrounding the dating arena:.

nice guys finish last

personally i do acknowlede the truth in this maxim... but in a different degree which i will explain later in this essay
but before that i would like to explain this phenomena like the person who had written on this topic before me.

To start, lets look at how people struggle searching for a quality relationship. According to Lori from evertyhinglori.com a common fault of relationships that we encounter the most is that we are attracted to the more flamboyant types of mates and drastically overlook those who have excellent relationship qualities. For example, we always seem to go for the good-looking guy who is an asshole and treats girls like objects, in contrast to the nice guy who treats girls with so much respect she must believe she is royalty. She explains that when one dates someone who acts like a jerk and treats them like garbage, they are with them not because they like being treated by dirt, but because in their mindset they had thought they could change the person. She explains

"A guy that treats every one else like shit, but YOU are so important, that he
cant help but be good to you. We dont WANT him to be mean to us, we want him to
love us.”

They feel that if they can get the jerks to treat them nicely while they still act harshly towards others...it would make them special.

For the nice guys who treat girls like princesses she says,

"The nice guys are great…except that they are nice to EVERYONE. If you didnt
stumble into their lives, they would be with someone else, treating them the
same way they would have treated you...Yeah, thats nice of him, but youre not
special...."

That is the explanation behind the phenomenon of nice guys finish last...

Nice guys treat every girl special, to them every girl is unique and therefore when every girl is unique that works oppositely and then it suddenly means no girl is unique. When everyone is special NO one is special.

She concludes with a few ideas about love at first sight..."its chemical.... it is what is commonly accepted as "lust." "I wasnt in love, I was in lust." This chemical love isn’t exactly the same thing as lust, which is more sexually oriented, but it does factually exists is what leads us to choose the jerk over the nice guy in relationships. Chemical love is a form of love… just like emotional love. Just because it’s not the love that works out doesn’t mean you can’t dismiss the idea that you were in love. Chemical love is binding… it’s a passion that exists in relationships along with emotional love that creates True love.

To overcome this faulty dating ritual… we must overcome the strength of chemical love and balance it with other ideal feelings. It’s important to be attracted to a person you have feelings for… but it’s wrong to let that alone drive you.

Lori also wrote about this passage which really struck me and made me think.

“I don't know how to stop it. I'm annoyed by this seeming inevitability. I guess
we look for combinations that are rare, but are possible: Someone who is
familiar, but with an element of mystery; someone who is kind, but knows how to
pick his battles; someone who knows how to be sweet and how to be sexy. The list
can go on forever, and I know I'll keep looking, hoping each time that the next
guy will be kinder than the last and still know how to excite me."

A year ago I remember discussing with my friend sean the idea "nice guys finish last"
its surprising at first that he agreed with that quote, despite him being a nice guy...
but he is a pessimist after all...

its not surprising either that i agree with that quote...
but my view is a little different...

nice guys may finish last...
but they may not...
it just depends on the race they run...

nice guys win, it is just rare
but what is wrong with rarity in the first place?
i would assume that things like that
are juss more treasurable when you finally attain them...

so what am i trying to say...
nice guys dont finish last?
well...
i'm trying to say...

if you're a nice guy...theres nothing you can do...
in a sense you're helpless
but in a different perspective...

what is so helpless about being a nice guy...
like i said...finishing last in a race that we don't care about is nothing...

to make things more simple...
visualize two guyz...

both nice guys...
one strongly affirms his belief in "nice guys finish last" and strives hard to break out of his flawed persona...
he tries to be like the "other guys" maybe tries to turn player even...
does he succeed?

maybe...
but he doesnt really see the big picture...
the guy can try to be the "bad boy" all he wants...
and he can be more attractive than he was when he was just a "nice guy"
but...who is he really attracting?
the girls who fall for the players...

and no longer the nice guy who finishes last...but the "Man"

there's the other guy
nice guy as well...
with all the great qualities found in a nice guy...

oblivious to the maxim...he finishes last...
girl after girl...
but...

despite it all...
he is still a nice guy...its juss basically natural for him
he doesnt know how to be anything else...

so he keeps losing...and keeps missing out...
of course he cant help to think if he is doing something wrong...
and it continues seemingly into an endless cycle...

Between these two examples a clear difference can be found...
the new "playa"
vs the nice guy...

the point...is the big picture...
down the line...
the playa is getting the girls...but what prize can this be...
he keeps dating and dating
but does not find the satisfaction he needs...
and he doesnt understand why...

the nice guy is still the nice guy...
but he isnt bothered by finishing last...once in a while...
the satisfaction he is lookin for isn't found elsewhere...
because he isn't lookin for it
perhaps he has it himself already?

the playa...is denying himself...
the nice guy underneath...
he is unhappy because he chose to live a life
against his true ideals...
and therefore is living a lie...
he set a goal to be someone who hes not
and as he achieve that goal
he is presented with treasures that one like him doesnt value...
of course...he has the girls...
but he doesnt have THE girl...

the nice guy...continues to finish last...
but through the same clueless obliviality that kept him a nice guy
despite his failures in relationships
someone has her eyes on him...
and he doesnt realize it yet...
but the whole time he was playing just a portion of the game...
and he is about to win it all...




well...while the other man lives a lie...always scrambling to search for something to fill his life
the other is true to himself...and as life turns out, eventually he doesnt find what he is lookin for...
but she finds him...

of course these two examples are purely theorethical in my own mindset...
but who is to argue that there's no truth in what i have to say...

just look for the happy nice guy...who has been patient
and the nice guy who always finishes last...who tried to win the race...




for nice guys and girls out there...
i do believe that you'll make it...
just be patient you know...

the inherent qualities you possess make each one of you the perfect bf's and gf's
and if the people you like aren't going for that then maybe those people aren't the right type for you...

i would like to end this by saying...
patience is a virtue...
take advantage of being single:.
for during this time God is preparing you for that one gurl/guy
and at this time maybe you... or her/him isn't ready yet...

but when you are... when you finally find that special someone...
you can look back and realize... it was WORTH the wait...

keep up hope... keep up faith...


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