i really have nothing emo to post currently... but yah my blog isn't showing up on this URL either... damn you blogger, so i decided to republish something in hopes that something on this darned site will show up. Yesterday was a bit mellow for me, i went to the beach and i walked around school when i wasn't supposed to be there...

i also talked to my prayer buddy Leila on the fone... i was gonna call her back so we could do a rosary together.. but i fell asleep... oh why... she invited me down on friday for some adoration and i think that's a very good idea.. but i will have to coordinate something with henri, the driver, or see if i have to drive down there myself... hopefully God willing, something will be arranged. at any rate what else is up. other than procrastinating my ethics paper.. i miss talking to nez. i mean theres nothing stoping me from iming her... or just calling her... except for myself... she's a good friend she really is... i just feel like i've made such a huge mistake in this friendship between us... the way i approached certain situations... but this always happens to me neway... it's not like its anything new.

i just want to give her her space i guess... i feel like ionno blah... two weeks ago i was talking to her fine... now for some reason the energy in the friendship just dissapated into the air. what a great friend i am no? sheesh... no wonder i'm alone... tah...

ahh sore subject... not that i think about it much... but i think my view in relationships radically differ from those around me... what if im just not compatible for this world... does that mean that i'm going to be alone for the rest of my life... only Jesus seems to understand me and how i think... and continues to love me for who i am.. ahha... i don't even love me for who i am... and why would i.. i feel like i've been abandoned by everything and everyone in my life... Thank God for family... and For Heart of Jesus. The Devil's trying to break me down...

I'm praying for nez always... taht she finds, safety and security and happiness in all her friends... something i probably could not provide people until they risk their all... before i can save people i guess i have to hurt them... and who likes that right? it's a lonely view up on this hill...
is it dangerous to pray that no one like me anymore... that way no hearts gets scarred... thats stupid.. love and pain is inevitable... suffer and live.. that should be part of my dogma... sheesh... i'm a horrible person...




:.Damn Jon where's the self confidence at... "ionno... the Dad took it when he left"

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Edit... That is such a sorry excuse