damn it...

seriously this is no good

alone... alone... alone...


ALWAYS FREAKING ALONE...

why damn it...
why does it have to be this way...

why does it always have to be a struggle to have friends see my way
why does it always end up me the stubborn one
when im always the one trying to do the good

why am i the one that ALWAYS has to stop myself and say
am i the one being to harsh?

why am i always the lenient one...

why am i always passive to the point that it hurts inside...
and i wish i would cry
but to no avail would they care...

because there is NO SUPPORT AT ALL...















then again... its always... I... I ... and more I...
i guess the reason this feels so hard
its because i make it about I...

but you know me... on a regular its always about others
and i always willing to sacrifice the I

but i guess in quiet desperation sometimes it gets too hard
and i get tempted to focus on the I...

dear God... i know it's best to not be selfish
and always be giving
and always suffer in quiet for persecution...

but sometimes i want to fight back
sometimes i want people to listen to me...
sometimes in quiet desperation i feel that maybe for once i need to stand up for what I believe in

but i guess...

u said...

let no one tire of good works...

and thats true...

but i dont know...
sometimes i watch from afar and i fear that maybe things wont be okay if i dont intervene...
that sometimes people are not changing...

but who am i to judge...
who am i to cause strife...

maybe it shows a lack of faith on my part Lord...
that i should believe in full faith and solidarity taht
you have taken care of these people and that by your immeasurable power...

u will bring them WHERE YOU NOT I want them...

dear Lord... then why is it so hard...
taht theres more tahn one clear apparent path...
why IS NOTHING ever easy nemore...
why arent the decisions to be made ever clear...



but to know this... is my private suffering...
that i will continue to move in a manner which is sufficient for YOU
NOT I...

i will bite my tongue...
and i will continue my loneliness...

with you by my side at least i know i have some support...
and i will always have you... as long as i choose to walk the path u bring to me...









mama mary... lets intercede for others
i feel i am unworthy to do so on my own...
and knowing full well that you have brought me closer to Jesus ur son...






help me see the way...