dear blogger...

welps i've asked the Lord to draw me away from complacency...
and i know as soon as that prayer made my way into my heart it would be fulfilled unnervingly fast...

i fear to be complacent...
but i doubt my ability to cope w/ the trials that comes w/ growth

sometimes there's a deep fear of the unknown
and a paralysis from overanalysis...

sometimes i wonder will there ever be the one truth i find in the world?
sometimes i complain to matthew... how come things are never simple anymore
why cant God just come down and say...

this is real... that is that... and this is so and so
it would be THAT easy

but darn im taking everything for granted in so much by dwelling on that scenario...
this life is not meant to be easy... the life of faith

discernment is not supposed to be easy...
i guess everyone is destined to find their way through the thicket of unsureness one way or the other

or maybe were not?

dear Lord... i trust in you... that you have brought me places... and helped me seen things that you had wanted me to seen...

though things in my heart aren't resounding too well... i resolve to keep honest open and willing and in deep prayer and discernment to the point when i can be at ease with what i'm learning about MY faith...

through the guidance of others you send me oh Lord bring me to you... as close as possible... that they may be the ones that are a God-send to make me a better catholic...

through the ones i highly respect... give me courage to challenge the ideas that i need to be assured of... and give me courage to ask the questions that plague me...
in full faith knowing that the answers will ease my heart... to further extent

i praise you knowing that everything is in your will... and ask for ur mercy to streghthen my resolve... remove complacency, and stand up for what my heart believes in rather than... rationalizing the beliefs in my mind in haste...

may my search for the truth only strengthen my hope love and charity...
and please... send me guides to lead the way and to intercede for me...

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i have so many thoughts running through my head
what is the truth? what is what God wants me to know...
everything has suddenly become very complicated...
but do i haste to alleviate my constrained heart
but ignoring the conflict in my soul?

to ignore is to be in bliss...
but would i rather pursue the answer
and satisfy my soul in faith...