Hey everyone

i haven't been postin in a long while,
not really much to tell about my life...
i would spend time on the new post screen periodically with nothing to type so i've never bothered to do it.

i've even contemplated shutting down my blog these past few weeks...
(haha i've just worried like the three people who actually read this)

at any rate...sometimes i forget why i have a blog...
sometimes i feel like i like the attention of people reading...
or that its a personal soapbox for my radical, or not so radical beliefs...

then sometimes i think why bother even writing anymore
the reasons that i started are long gone...

but i like bloggin...
i realize i do, i would like to post everyday
but i do think i would run out of coherant things to say

once in a while though...
days like this
i feel like writing all day long...

its a good companion to tell ur stories to after all
i'm also worried sometimes about the degree of honesty i would like to write about on this blog...

sometimes i would like to write as if no one reads this blog...
sometimes i would like to write as if everyone reads this blog...

i feel restricted when i'm scared to post something of my life
because some people wouldn't understand my thoughts and misinterpret them...

i wish people did read that disclaimer...
i dont feel like bloggin sometimes
because i just want to be honest with myself...
and it would probably just make others feel weird...

but newho... thats not relating to anything current
im just thinking about times when ive posted about feelings and emotions
is all...

but yea i guess some things are not meant to be told to people
at least not on public...
secrets are good to keep right...

maybe... but ive never actually believed that... it's just that experience dictates otherwise

This week was an awesome week,
i started school and i've seen my friend henri cj and vanessa almost everyday...
we eat out almost every day as well
which drains their money most of all cuz they always treat me out...

on monday night me and henri and cj went to carson to participate in a Karaoke night,
i thought i would see my friend lindsay there but she had work

Cheska and nez where there though so it was fun to see them.

That was a good night...
the magic sing was a hard scorer (my highest that night was 98, and that was a duet with leo
i miss my liberal mike at home that gives me 100's with very little effort haha

it was fun to see cj and henri go along with the night...
i give em props
especially henri who tore up a backstreet boy song that night

Cheska and Leo was some hard competition that night haha
i'm not exactly performing at the same level at them... theyre really good...

i do believe we should do an american idol style karaoke night
and there would be a panel of three judges
and you would be scored on more then one thing while u sing

the first score will be ur magic sing basic score
the score you get when u finish your song
then the judges will score you on your talent
then the judges will score you on how well u performed (how entertaining you were)

and after averaging the scores we would have a winner...

i myself can't compete with the talent pool in lf
but i can get the score on the magic sing
and im incredibly maarte so i would rack up points in performance
so i would have a chance of winning...

i wouldnt mind judging either though =D

Fred came along too that night
it was good to be in company of good friends
he tore up the magic sing again
but the mike gave him a lower score then we expected
i would boost him up with some talent points though...

after singing that night
and a very maarte rendition of bakit pa by yours truly
we played some light halo 2
and then we headed off home...

that... was a really good night.

another memorable evening was the evening i went to long beach to hang out with my friend rachel...
i really told her i would, and i didnt want her to think i was a flaker or anything by telling her i would go and not show up...

hehe... she was really cool though
sorry rachel i was so late that day...
i kept falling asleep during the day
in a way that makes me a flake =P

we went together to watch white noise
it was an okay movie =P
i have to start remembering that these scary movies are really not that entertaining to watch as a whole...
i just got grabbed by a catchy advertisement of it on the radio presumably...

but it was fun to hang out with a girl on friday night for a change
no offence CJ and Henri hehe

i finally bought my book i kissed dating goodbye
i wanted rachel to read it so i lent it to her...

i need to re read that myself...
it helps when i start feeling the "single" blues

i hung out with Henri and CJ after i dropped rachel and her sis at home
i owe them a lot for having them drive so far to meet up with me
if i were them i would have been really tired from all the driving they did last night...

i'll make it up to them this week...
hopefully... but i have no money...

i want to go to Cheska and Lindsay's muscial at their school in the next following weeks...
i've asked nez to buy me a ticket and an extra one so someone can come with me and henri...

i look forward to a good show...
i think we should get the performers some flowers
when i used to dance at glendale and we would have our big shows...
i always wanted to get flowers from my friends who came to watch...
haha too bad i never got any... sigh =P envious meeh...

i...
tonight...
is a big night for meeh...
i'm giving my first talk at HOJ, my prayer group...
as of right now i keep questioning myself...and my ability to give a good talk...
i keep thinking that im not ready... or that i'm not good enough to give this talk...

i really wish i would believe otherwise...
i dont know...

i've come a long way this past year
but i feel like if i haven't changed at all
i'm the same old person i was...

but then i think about all the stuff i did
spirit games... lft retreat... LSS's...
maybe... just maybe i can do this...

i want to show everyone that i've worked hard...
and at the same time im telling myself that im not good enough...

how do i really go about doing this talk...
how can i make them proud of me...

are my expectations higher then their expectations?
shouldnt they be...
i want to be a great speaker...
and be like the speakers i idolize...

Raymond, Leo...
Freda,
Matt, Bev, April, Carlos...

Nick...

just to name a few

This is just another step in my journey i guess
i can't be scared to mess up...
i just have to trust myself...

Please pray for me...
through God's strength i can do many good things...