last clinical of the season

just waiting at home for life to happen, and listening to the playlist that i put together the other day... it helps me think and it helps me work...

im ready for christmas... i think

its only a month away... but the christmas lights have gone up... and 103.5 has stopped playing love songs. so here we are "christmas" season already.

what does christmas mean to me? dude i remember christmases in the philippines where we had a giant tree and etcs. we also sang carols door to door... and people gave us money (either we were that good, or they were paying us to stop...) then again we had a much bigger family when i lived there... all the cousins would group together and put together a presentation for our parents... it was like a talent show, in retrospect, we were very close... to each other and to our extended family...

christmas here in america... has been a little different since 1994. of course i'm no grinch... i celebrate christmas to its fullest... but the traditions are a little different and less involving than the ones in the philippines... here in a america... my family consists of my mother... and my brother... (i guess my brother and i could get together and put on a performance for my mom... i guess if she comes home from work and shes not too tired that she wants to go immediately to bed) in the beginning we had a very small tree... three feet tall max... it paled in comparison to the tree in the philippines... but it was enough to fit our love underneath...

maybe i've gotten older and the season has lost its luster w/ me... the tree we've bought has gotten bigger... but its rare to see it up until the week of christmas... and lets talk about christmas lights... there are none... haha all the fun untangling the tangled mess doesnt seem as fun as it used to be... and primarily... i feel guilty receiving gifts from people... when i have no gifts for them in return... sometimes the gift exchange of nothing is totally fine with me...

but tahts a temporary situation... i tell myself ill make it up to everyone (especially my mom and brother) when im a nurse... and i have enough money to buy christmas back... haha jk...

like i said the traditions are lax these days BUT there is one tradition i am completely adamant about... and that is midnight mass... (even if my mom and brother are tired... NO... we GOT to go!! haha) it's hard... and some years its really cold... but i enjoy it... something to do w/the family... and especially mass w/ God...

mass w/ God has a completely new meaning for me this year in comparison to the other years in my life... and im greatful for it... and i look forward to the new closer relationship with him that i can get through the holy mass... and the holy eucharist..

... im am entirely greatful and thankful to God for leading me down this path... and to the people he had used to bring me here... they will always hold a special place in my heart... unconditionally...


squir! squi! squirtlesquirt!!
"no darnit! I!! CHOOSE YOU!"