i cant sleep

i have finals tomorrow
and on friday

and im supposed to go to mass with april at 8 tomorrow morning
but i cant sleep...
i'm at matthews house and home is only 5 mins away but already it seems like an eternity...

i guess cuz i worry too much...
that i cant stay coherant... knowing that my friends aout there mya be going through stuff that i am powerless to comfort them through...
i am not a superhero afer all.. but it seems that i can always pray for her
and hope for the best that God will take her where she needs to be and go...

and i have faith in that desire for everything to get better...
because God's plan is in action... any pain or trials
or barriers overcome in God's plan is a blessing right...

id still rather take her place if i could...
but its rather weird that i admit that...
because it is with full knowledge that it is probably special treatment for her alone
but whos to say i wouldnt step in the line of fire for any of my friends...

but shes the one that is keeping me up...
we are just friends
but i still think of her highly

i admire her...
even though she would rather me not...

shes someone i want to grow up to imitate... even though shes the younger one...
and that is so weird for me to say... but no one would understand...

maybe i dont even understand
maybe all this writing is a sham just so i can vent out feelings of exaustion...
maybe...


on a lighter note... i've been looking up old friends on facebook and myspace lately
friends from almost 3 years ago... and looking back im verily amazed that time has passed by as such...

it moves so slow yet so quickly...
have i changed that much...
i believe i have... but at the same time i refute myself and see myself making the same errors that i made 2-3 years ago...

only major difference is my faith...
i guess... and thats not too bad...