Mary + Christmas

i wonder if Kost has stopped playing christmas songs yet...
its ironic

before i used to regard these silly christmas songs as a poor substitute for th real meat of Kost nights "love songs at the KOST" and now here i am i'm saddened by the lack of Christmas songs playing on the Radio...

id rathr have these winter love songs all year round at this point...
i may not be aware of that inner change within me but that is what i feel...

so here i am blogging, my last post almost an eternity ago, listening to grown up christmas wish by kelly clarkson and the version by amy grant.

and the truth of it all is i am getting nostalgic...

for myself
i dont want a lot of christmas... no presents... no toys... just time with my family at mass... and probably time in my family at peace... and who wouldnt want that right?

i thank God for what has transpired over the last week... it was very hard for me... but i am blesed as well... and cant think of a better way to end advent and enter into christmas...

still thinking about last week i cant help but smile... and know that God was with me through it all

haha i rememeber the lonely christmas seasons... when i would pine away from being all by myself... whether the seasons really existed or just a fragment in my mind... but tihs year is different... i am content and would go even further to say that i am really happy... and i praise God for my happiness... because he has taught me so much..

to have a retrospect on this part... i kinda see that everything in my life has led up to this point now... every time ive been lost ... every time i've been sad... hurt... all the lessons learned... helped me be who i am now... right here right now...and to think i always dreamed about time machines and the like... to change the past to avoid pain and hurt and sorrow... but then again... if i did that... what kind of man would i be right now? i wouldnt have fulfilled my fate the way the Lord designed it for me...

is that how u guys feel somtimes though.. that u just want to alter one part of your life... and make it better... just to know that that one change could have made a difference in everything and you wouldnt have any regrets..

i know that feeling too... but rest assured... i have no regrets...because i've replaced them with faith hope and love...
and i look ... not to the future... but to now... and how i want to live at this minute...

and at the moment its christmas... and most of my time is spent on contimplating on how i can give my MOST to my loved ones at this time... and how much time i want to spend... with God...

and how much i want to keep singing these christmas carols
and how much i want these songs to never end in our hearts...

peace be with you all
and God bless

Ave maria