I love the song the way i are by ingrid michaelson (if you haven't heard it check out the nearest available old navy commercial)

today has been a rough week... i think stress had been spread out quite unevenly between the people i know and i still don't know when the end of it is coming

but i pray to God and trust him... just to push me a little bit further
all times...
just a little bit closer to him for every trial that i have to endure...
if that is the least that happens from all my troubles, they would already be worth it...

tuesday - spent a long time working on the implementation plan at CSULB for our clinical project *making a health fair with the least possible guidance and direction available*

the frustrating part came when we started deviating from making the implementation plan, instead working on ideas that could be taken care of in the next 12 weeks. i was a bit frustrated that my goals for the night were not being met and that everyone was not on the same page. after a while people started getting the ball rolling and making the schedule for the planning of the health fair just as i had intinially intended at that meeting, but i was too tired already and wanted to go home. the lack of direction from my part may have been the contributing factor and a lack of, whats the word, it's not confidence, but a lack of, its the opposite of hesitantcy..

conviction? that word will have to do for now. if i handt been more aggressive in following through what we needed to do and made it clearer to the group then we could have gotten more work done...

things that i should be patient about. i wasn't the only one with a long day that day. one of our group members cj did have work as well and she has kids to takeover. it was apparent that when i was tired i wasnt being very detrimental to the group and i was going to blame it on my fatigue. in the same way cj never gave up so maybe i was wrong at all to have acted in poor manner...

overall that started my very tough week

Thursday - after clinical i gave myself ample time to finish my module and study... ended up falling asleep and not doing any at all... *plan b was to head to school and finish there...

car would not start and i was stranded --
rough luck to me and i really started to get even more frustrated...
i didn't have triple a
and i didn't know what was wrong with my car...

it just wouldnt start. i looked at my manual and realized it could be a battery problem and i asked my friend for triple a and her roommate was able to help me... which is a blessing really.
before that - i had asked my friend joyce to save me out of this predicament... because i had no where else to turn to... rationally she said she'd rather not... and that is true... that was pretty rational... except i was sort of in a crisis... and a friend who would rather think rational before helping out a friend in that situation is not a good friend in my book. i was really mad at her at that moment to tell you the truth... and figured that maybe our friendship really is not what i thought it would be...

triple a comes tells me my battery is no good... i cry oh no but at least i know i can fix it now...
head off to school or home... i head off to school... finish the module in the car then walk to class... i try to get joyce to redeem herself by printing out my paper for me and asking to help me with extra credit... but i actually think that was a pretty "rational request" and i don't knwo wehre our friendship stand at all as of the moment.

i fail the quiz in that class which is a disappointment because i've been putting so much effort into the class up until then and for me to miss a quiz just because i didnt read one chapter (in comparison to the other weeks when the reading was a bit harder) i am really frustrated and disappointed in my short commings... not doing as well in the class as i hoped with the amount of work i've been putting in, makes me almost not want to work

after class ray lends me his cables and dustin basically jumps me around long beach... which was pretty sweet

after lunch at tgif where i got away spending 12 dollars (not bad! i complained about my fish and chips meal how it was so small and not as filling... then when the bill came i realized i ordered the cheaper lunch special which... made me feel really good haha) went to walmart and bought a battery and had it installed...

what i should have done, is bought a battery, asked to borrow their tools, and install it myself... incompetent workers seriously took their sweet time... and i think one of my connections on the batytery is loose and car is not starting as well as it used to... i'm going to ask to borrow someones wrenches and do the reinstallation myself now...

now on friday after everything has been said and done i was planning to go to confession... =P a private matter of course... and hit off a bit of adoration to kick off the week...

i run into an incident... and im really really really saddened and worried and hating myself
on the offramp of the temple exit (not wehre i usually exit mind u, just happened to go on a whim) i merge into a freaking car...

gahh... i was hating myself... and still hating myself...
this week was sooo frustrating... i didn't know what else to do...

but i was on the way to cathedral neway... i put that all behind me... too late for confession which bothered me, but at least i was able to go to mass...

then i prayed... i was really blessed with the opportunity to pray in front of the blessed sacrament... and even though at the time i was still burdened by my frustrations.. ic an look back and thingk that it was truly a blessing to be able to pray in front of Jesus... nothing else seems to matter now.. and i thank God for it...

haha
maybe that's exactly what i needed this week...
to really get sucked in with all the problems in the world... and to stand here on the end of them all... and be thankful to the Lord... and i think... i am truly blessed

i have a wonderful girlfriend that loves me
a parent that provides for me
a brother who is living his dream
it's my last year of nursing program and i'm kicking ass...

and i'm getting fat and happy.. =D
and i was able to pray just once...

once more than i usually do... and i turn and think... it was all worth it...
nothing else seems to matter after that