When I think of you i get butterflies. Please Stop it. I don't want to like you, i just want to be your friend...

*SigH*

what a wonderful first week this is for me friends. At any rate i should look forward to an extensive spring semester.

Getting out of the winter intersession classes was a relief,
that icky 8 hour 4 day a week schedule is now replaced by my

5day 1 class a day schedule (cept for mondays)
i have so much free time now...but i guess in a way this makes up for winter...

its just...a lot of free time...
too much than i would know what to do with...
maybe id rather have a winter intersession schedule again =P

oh well thats all done and said...
the first few days of classes were okay...

i gots a few classes with people i actually know~
Finafreakinly

those are some perks of not waiting till last minute to add classes no? so neway

a few things happened this week...
one of which i met a celebrity...

and that was a high point...

other things which happened...is i met a lot of my old friends from previous semesters...

i seemed to see everyone on that fateful wednesday where i decided to stay at school even after my class had ended...
i guess i felt to go home early would be a horrendous waste of gas that day...

at any rate i saw a few people:. I saw my friend noreen which isnt much to say cuz i see her every week because she sings in my brothers choir:.

i saw daniel and ronnie and i said sup to them...
i even saw vanessa! and she said shes been texting me, wutta liar!~! haha neway

i saw luigi from my speech class...
we had a really interesting talk for a moment
(and i thought he didnt like me during speech, he came up to me and started a convo wid meeh...woot new friend)

did i mention i saw jenn?
jennifer tijam? well anyway i did
and WE had a interesting conversation as well
she made me smile, reminded me of the old days...
hehe jenn hasnt changed a bit...
shes still very silly...

i waited with her until her class started and i started migrating again...

i was at pcc the whole day:. just waiting for my buddy april because she was trying to get into a microbio class and i wanted to see how she did...

i saw bridgette wandering the halls of the c...
she gave a look and a wave...
nothing spectacular...

then i saw one of freda's friends from the party walking the halls as well...
i was on my way out...i said hi (i couldnt remember her name haha, but she looked familiar)

(in fact before my class that day i saw people i knew as well)
(one was another of freda's friends but i couldnt remember his name...)
(and i have errol for a class...i think its errol haha neway)

it was a while since i got out of my first class...and april was taking her sweet time
i was waiting for spencer as well to get a book from him
but he never picked up his fone (cuz it ran out of batteries)

wellpz these next few moments was a really really impactful part of my week...

i was walking out c building towards the u...

passing by the library... i noticed a familiar face in line at the store i buy soup from...
i got scared and i walked passed her into the library...hoping she didnt see me...
i held the umbrella over my face.

i walked over to the bathroom, to kill time, and to fix my hair...

and decided to head back out...
i wasnt sure if she was still out there, and it would be a really awkward situation for me if i did see her and she did see me... so i killed some more time in side the ilibrary, just standing and thinking...

well enough of that i decided:.
i walked outside the library...and

she was walking up into the library...
i panicked and tried to cover my face with my umbrella
but she recognized me at any rate...

my heart fluttered and i got nervous...
we talked for a moment and just looking into her face...

gave me a funny feeling in my stomache...and a heavy feeling in my heart...
she was really really beautiful that day...
any day really...and i was here talking to her again after a long while when ...

i found out she had a bf and i made the mistake of being too interested in her...
made it seem that i actually liked her...

(which i shouldnt...)

after that long while ago...i havent had contact with her at any rate and now she stood before me and we were rjust talking...
i felt stupid dumb and silly... but
i couldnt help it that she alsways made me feel this way...
ever since i first started talking to her...

while talking to her i could see april coming from the u building and she spotted me easily enough and she walked to me...
i introduced her to my friend and i said that we had to go...

my friend said that she was going to the library to sleep because she had a long gap between her classes and i said my good byes...

april did not know i was waiting for her and when i turned to leave, get away from the library she turned towards it and i was like where are you going?

she wanted to use the computers...and i told her oh lets go use the computers at the d building...
i let april know that that was the girl i had the crush on...the girl with the boyfriend...the amazing girl...

sigh...

so we were on our way there when i saw vanessa and her friend (which was reina)
we stood in front of the library
they were going to use the computers too...
i introuduced vanessa and april together... april and reina knew each other from speech class already, how cool is that...
its a small world after all:.

and they headed into the library...
the excitement of meeting my friend again overwhelmed me and i followed them in going against most of my instincts...

i told myself were going to the first floor...
so i doubt that i will see her so that was reassuring:.

neway while waiting in line to get a computer:.
vanessa went to go to the restroom:.

at this point i knew why i didnt want to be seen in the library...
because i told my friend that i was going somewhere else...

and if she sees me, she'll wonder why i was there...why i changed my mind...

or at least thats what i think she'll think...
at any rate...

she comes out of the restroom...
she sees me...
and i say hi again...

the exact scenario that i didnt want to happen...
it excited me a bit...

but im a retard...and i let my excitement get to me

because vanessa came out right after her and i wanted her to know that was the girl i had a crush on...

(because i used to tell freda and vanessa everything but they never got to see the girls i talk about and now i thought...wat a wonderful chance for vanessa to finally see a girl i talked about...stupid idea...)

i was all loud because vanessa was across the room and before i could stop myself
i managed to say...

"that was the girl i used to like"

then i caught myself in time to hear vanessa say

"oh the girl from the bathroom" all audible and stuff...

that dug my grave...and i was sooo soo embarassed...

i hoped that my friend did not hear...but im pretty sure she did...
sigh =P

i wish i could crawl into a hole at that point...
and to this point i still do...


the worst part is...
seeing her that day

refreshed her picture of her in my mind...
and

seeing her face...
my heart flutters and my mind goes numb...

and i realize how lonely this world really has become...
and i despair...